I love horse racing…not really. But I do love the culture of horse racing…not really. But I do love the names you can give horses; they don’t even have to make sense. If you really want a race horse you have to follow a couple of rules which seem logical in their reasoning but amusing that I never knew any of it.
1. All Thoroughbreds must be registered within 1 year of the date of their birth with the Jockey Club (Some organization that serves as a clearinghouse for all things Thoroughbred related). At that time will be given an official birthday of January 1, [year of birth]. This is done for the sake of keeping age grouping in racing easily definable. P.S. And you would also need a DNA test done for your horse to prove that its parents are thoroughbreds.
2. An owner will then submit 6 names per thoroughbred to the jockey club ranked in a preferencle order, the jockey club gets to decide if the name is sutible. Each name has to fall under certain rules.
2a. Names can be a maximum of 18 characters, that is spaces Punctuation &#?-.! included.
2b. Initials are not allowed so if you where thinking of naming your new horse after dead uncle R.C.W.. Not allowed. Either is M.F.P. S.O.B. P.O.S. etc.
2c. No horse related terms Donkey show, Muleshoe, Filly, Stud etc.
2d. For some reason numbers above thirty can be used, but only if they are spelled out. Numbers below thirty as well as names consisting entirely of numbers cannot be used.
2e. No trying to name your thourobread after a previous horse or a favorite dog. No Champ the 2nd or Barbaro the 3rd or whatever (place generation designation here) not allowed.
2f. Unless you have written permission from the jockey club and the person’s name you want to use its not allowed. Ex. Spitzer’s Mistress, not allowed
2d. Obscene names not allowed or vulgar or offensive blah blah blah.
I realized that owning race horses is a signifier of an accumulation of a certain amount of wealth. Enough Wealth you can say Fuck It! Past the point of saying fuck it I’m going to buy a badass race engineered sports car that cost in the excess of $300,000. Lamborghini’s, Bentley’s, Ferrari’s & etc. It takes at the very least $100,000 to buy a good thoroughbred and that’s not including the fees to house the smelly animal, feeding it, cleaning it, vet bills & training it. That’s at least $300,000 at least in my mind that is how much they cost, and that doesn’t guarantee you wins or transportation to the big events. i.e. Churchill downs, Kentucky Derby, I forget the other one (Sorry race horse snobs.) I figured one day when im old and my kids are plotting on their inheritance of all my debt (suckers) my dick doesn’t work anymore and im not allowed to drive. I plan to buy a race horse, not one that will win. Instead of the Kentucky Derby, I would be ecstatic to be able to race at the hometown track. Sam Houston Racetrack, right off of the toll-road. Jockey Club I ask you to reserve these names for myself.
- · Alien Gang Sign (15 Characters)
- · Love Knife (10 Characters)
- · No points for that (18 Characters)
- · There was a time (16 Characters)
- · Listen in (9 Characters)
Other names C. Robertson
- Top Shelf Glue
- Bulimic Rider
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